RA life - the things that are keeping me sane.

I wrote recently about my general sense of being a bit stuck emotionally and mentally at the moment and about managing depression and the potential fallout, and have been reading a number of blog posts and articles by other people about slumps, losing mojo, self care, etc... Lene Andersen wrote about her current fatigue levels, and how that impacts on so many levels. Clearly, there's something in the water. 

In those posts of mine, I was looking particularly at a mix of personal, some illness related, and circumstantial elements that are impacting me at the moment. In thinking over it since - given that one of the reasons I wrote the post in the first place was to put it out there so I'd have to DO something about it - I've ticked a few things off my list (more on that in a minute), and have given myself an almost daily talking to to try and kickstart each day with a more positive outlook. I've also been looking closely at the things that ARE working for me, because sometimes it's all too easy to get caught up in the negatives, and that's a nasty trap. 

The talking to is having mixed results... One of the things that's getting to me is how stuck we are with the house since the move. Any new place needs that settling in time while you work out where to put things, and what you might need to add to make it work. We got some things done - Rumi proofed the back fence so the little monkey couldn't keep escaping; got Dragon Dad's desk set up in the spare room so he had a place to work; bought and put together some industrial shelving to help solve the storage issues in the kitchen (hardware store chic!) and bought and assembled a skinny cupboard to stick in the back hall for pantry storage. And then it ground to a halt, because money...or lack of. There are no built in wardrobes in this house. We had a pair of IKEA ones that work in the spare room and give Dragon Dad some clothes storage. And two chests of drawers in our room that double as bedside tables for our smalls and socks and so on. But I'm still, eight months in, living out of suitcases and boxes - and have a most impressive chair/floordrobe that would do any teenager proud! It's frustrating, and a bit depressing. So, on the list of things still to do is find the energy to go and do a major sort so I can pack away all the summer stuff into suitcases that can be neatly parked in a corner, and reduce the items that I am using so I can make neat folded piles of them. We also - and Dragon Dad actually said this... - need another bookcase because I've still not sorted and properly shelved the books because there isn't enough space - that's around $100, I think...might be doable soonish, I hope. 

In the meantime though, I have done two tai chi classes now, and am paid up and committed to continuing.  My mother would laugh at me - all those years of her telling me I should do it, and me not doing it because she'd told me I should - perverse... I like it. I really do. I crash afterwards - fell asleep on the couch in front of the TV on Tuesday evening after dinner. But the joy of falling asleep because I'm tired because I did something physical - a 'normal' activity that used energy - THAT was wonderful. I'm not finding it too physically difficult - apart from my feet. In the two classes so far, I've tried two different pairs of shoes - we're on bare board floors, so going without shoes altogether can't happen. I have a third pair to try next week...fingers crossed. Otherwise, as Dragon Dad said, I might just have to live with the fact that they're going to hurt. I hunted online yesterday and found the 'Beijing 12' that we started learning this week - because, try as I might, I could not remember the first movement that we were taught. Damned brain fog and inherent lack of remembering physical routines...

Getting past that emotional block about starting something new with strangers was a good feeling too. Reminded me that, actually, I CAN do it. A salutary reminder to get over myself!

Getting back on track with the blog. This my second post this week.  I'll try and keep to that if I can. It does me good to write. To get the stuff in my head OUT of my head! The trick is finding a point of focus so I don't just ramble on, because no one wants to read that. All the stuff I've read about blogging and being a 'successful' blogger make the same point - that the really important thing is regular posts. It doesn't matter whether they're weekly or daily, or something in between, but they need to be regular. While I'm perfectly capable of writing to a brief - including deadlines - one of the reasons I started blogging was to give myself an avenue to write where there weren't structures like that that create pressure. However, to make the blog WORK, there do need to be some, so I'll try...I may not succeed, but I will try.

I've also done some research, looking for new places to pitch work - it's a jungle out there, folks. I have some paid work that's semi regular, but I need - financially as well as creatively - to find other work to do, other places to publish. So I write stuff and send it out - mostly into a black hole. Typically, I've done this in bursts, having a flurry of busy-ness, and sending things, and getting all worked up in anticipation that perhaps this time I'll have cracked it - only to come crashing down as the persistent lack of responses demonstrate that, yet again, there are no takers. So, I'm looking at diversifying that approach a bit with a more balanced mix of things I'm working on, with a different spread of potential destinations. At least the writing itself will be a bit more mixed, and interesting. 

Fat Mum Slim's Photo a Day challenge. I wrote about this when I first planned to start doing it. It's nearly the end of April, which makes almost four months of posting a photo every day in the Facebook group, and on the Dragon Mother Facebook page. In that post, I wrote about some of the reasons that decided me on committing to doing it, and by and large, they're playing out as I thought they would. As the daily drawing practice did (which I've not managed to pick up again so far), it makes me look at the world around me with much more attention. 

There are specific daily prompts for the photos, so there's a certain amount of daily discipline that comes with getting my head around how I'll approach that - sometimes, it feels really obvious but other days it can be a real challenge - and surprisingly difficult! Some of my results have prompted Dragon Dad to tell me that I've got some potentially serious photographic talent - which was hugely gratifying! And also that at some point when money allows, we must find me a good digital SLR camera. At present, it's all being done with the phone on my iPhone - although, I'm far from alone because there are lots of others in the group in the same position. 

I've also been 'fabbed' three times now - for each prompt, the moderators select a number of photographs that they particularly liked and post a collage of them as the pinned post for the next twenty four hours. I've been ridiculously chuffed each time - again, validation, which is nice. Most importantly, I'm making new friends online. I may never meet many of them in person, but I have to say, it's an extraordinarily positive and supportive group of people, and there's lots of friendly chat on comment threads on the photos when people come to comment on each others' shots. And, the thing that prompted this particular post, there are more than a few people for whom this particular activity is enabling them to have something that they're consistently focused on which is giving their lives structure, for whatever reason - and there's a conversation happening on a particular photo today to that effect. So, to finish on a positive note, I'll upload a few of my favourite photos so far. Those of you who follow the Facebook page may have seen them already, or not, depending on how your newsfeed serves up things! For those who WANT to see them regularly and don't follow the FB page - I invite you to do find it and follow. 

Flat lay

Treasures

Fave part of my day - fabbed

Off centre

Macro

Street

Opposites - fabbed