It never ceases to amaze me how much faster the years roll past as we get older...and that it's late September and #RABlogWeek is back again... So, first post of five this week - we'll see how I go with keeping up. For those readers unfamiliar with this event, RABlogWeek is an initiative set up by my friend Rick, who blogs at RA Diabetes. It's an international event involving people with RA blogging each day, responding to set topics. It's fascinating reading all the different responses to the posts, and something I've found to be a good focusing activity, as - oddly enough - it usually hits in a point in the year when I've lost my blogging mojo...weird that.
Mental Health
– How do you manage to maintain your mental health while dealing with
autoimmune disease? Discuss how dealing with RA every day makes you
emotional. Do you hide your emotions?
I had to laugh to myself when I saw the first topic for this blog event. Regular readers here will have read a number of posts I've written this year pertaining to mental health issues - mine - that have arisen largely due to having RA and dealing with it now being severe. For those new to the blog, or who perhaps haven't seen those posts, you can read them HERE, HERE and HERE. If you read them in the order I've done the links, this post will possibly make more sense, because managing one's mental health alongside a chronic illness is definitely a journey.
So, how do I manage day to day...well, that can be something of a moveable feast. I don't have an overarching plan, currently, and I'm not seeing a therapist of any sort right now. So, I'm self managing.
I'm a reasonably positive person, inherently, which is useful in the sense that being depressed - as I currently am - (backstories linked above) is a deeply uncomfortable thing - and I mean REALLY uncomfortable. And that's on top of all the feelings involved with depression. So I'm fighting the demons, wanting to retreat and hibernate, generally avoiding people, etc, but at the same time, my inherent nature is up in arms against all that. Overall, that's a good an useful thing, but it does make for feeling very uncomfortable in my skin, at the same time as providing me with the impetus to DO something about it rather than stay stuck for too long, as might be the case if I tended more to negativity and depression...
I MAKE myself get out most days. I aim for everyday but don't beat myself up if I can't make it - although, a few days running of staying at home is now a red flag. I take myself out to have coffee in the mornings nearly every day - it's a small expense, but it's a means of ensuring I DO go, and it means I need to speak to people, if only to make the order for the coffee. Sometimes, like today, I arrange to meet up with someone - but I do tailor who that is depending on how I am. I'm post infusion today, with a monster headache and I'm feeling pretty crappy, so the person I saw is someone else who has a chronic illness and gets it, so it's OK to be crap.
I have ongoing projects. I do a daily photo challenge - you can read about it and see some of the photos HERE (if you checked out the other links, I talk about it in some of them too). This year, it's been a lifesaver. there's a prompt every day for a photo that has to be taken and then posted on Instagram or the group's Facebook page. It's a commitment I have to keep. Some days, the really bad ones, it's the ONLY reason I've got up. And then I sit on FB and watch the other photos popping up and chat to people via the comment threads. It's got NOTHING to do with RA or any other chronic illness, and that's a good thing. It's creative, it gets me out of myself. If you want to see my photos, hop on over to the Dragon Mother Facebook page - I post them there too.
I committed to the community choir at the synagogue for the High Holy Days - which we're in the middle of now (which is part of the reason I'm so late with this post...it's been very busy). I'm a trained classical singer. In Sydney, I was a member of the only professional Jewish choir in the country. So, singing in a community choir is very different, and I have to bite my tongue sometimes, because the environment is completely different. BUT, it involves me in my community in a useful way. It gets me singing again - and singing releases endorphins - and we all know how good they feel! Also, it's helped me meet people in the community with whom I have things in common, so it's the beginning of new friendships. An added bonus is that someone I knew in Sydney is also now in Melbourne and singing in the choir too, so rekindling an old friendship has been lovely.
Exercise. I can't rant on enough about how important it is to keep moving. Mind you, I'm bang in the middle of a fortnight that's made it impossible for me to get to my Tai Chi classes - rehearsal schedule clashes, the infusion, AND just feeling SO crap with a flare...something had to give and that was it. But starting Tai Chi this year has been fabulous. Getting out - again - meeting new people - there's a pattern here... - and doing something that's physically challenging BUT possible, and that's helping me overall with strength and mobility. And, again, after a class, those lovely endorphins...!!
Ultimately, while I don't have a plan, per se, for managing depression, there are things I've put in place to help me manage around it, and stop myself from getting sucked too far down into the black hole. I'm not one to splatter myself all over the place, so by and large, people haven't really been aware of the emotional struggle that's been going on. I didn't even really write about how big it was until fairly recently (it's the third of those links to past posts up early in this post), and I've not talked to Dragon Dad about it in any detail, because right now HE'S suffering from depression and extreme stress, so he's not in a position to be able to cope with mine. That will pass. And then I'll talk with him. But for now, part of me looking after myself is ensuring I don't push HIM over the edge...
It's different for everyone. But at some time in a chronic illness journey, depression IS going to be part of the picture, and it may be something that recurs at different times. Knowing yourself well enough to know how best to tackle the situation is vital, and if need be, seeking appropriate help is really important. I'm not currently seeing a therapist - and there are a few reasons for that, but I do have someone I can access if I feel as if the things I'm currently doing are inadequate.
So, how do I manage day to day...well, that can be something of a moveable feast. I don't have an overarching plan, currently, and I'm not seeing a therapist of any sort right now. So, I'm self managing.
I'm a reasonably positive person, inherently, which is useful in the sense that being depressed - as I currently am - (backstories linked above) is a deeply uncomfortable thing - and I mean REALLY uncomfortable. And that's on top of all the feelings involved with depression. So I'm fighting the demons, wanting to retreat and hibernate, generally avoiding people, etc, but at the same time, my inherent nature is up in arms against all that. Overall, that's a good an useful thing, but it does make for feeling very uncomfortable in my skin, at the same time as providing me with the impetus to DO something about it rather than stay stuck for too long, as might be the case if I tended more to negativity and depression...
I MAKE myself get out most days. I aim for everyday but don't beat myself up if I can't make it - although, a few days running of staying at home is now a red flag. I take myself out to have coffee in the mornings nearly every day - it's a small expense, but it's a means of ensuring I DO go, and it means I need to speak to people, if only to make the order for the coffee. Sometimes, like today, I arrange to meet up with someone - but I do tailor who that is depending on how I am. I'm post infusion today, with a monster headache and I'm feeling pretty crappy, so the person I saw is someone else who has a chronic illness and gets it, so it's OK to be crap.
I have ongoing projects. I do a daily photo challenge - you can read about it and see some of the photos HERE (if you checked out the other links, I talk about it in some of them too). This year, it's been a lifesaver. there's a prompt every day for a photo that has to be taken and then posted on Instagram or the group's Facebook page. It's a commitment I have to keep. Some days, the really bad ones, it's the ONLY reason I've got up. And then I sit on FB and watch the other photos popping up and chat to people via the comment threads. It's got NOTHING to do with RA or any other chronic illness, and that's a good thing. It's creative, it gets me out of myself. If you want to see my photos, hop on over to the Dragon Mother Facebook page - I post them there too.
I committed to the community choir at the synagogue for the High Holy Days - which we're in the middle of now (which is part of the reason I'm so late with this post...it's been very busy). I'm a trained classical singer. In Sydney, I was a member of the only professional Jewish choir in the country. So, singing in a community choir is very different, and I have to bite my tongue sometimes, because the environment is completely different. BUT, it involves me in my community in a useful way. It gets me singing again - and singing releases endorphins - and we all know how good they feel! Also, it's helped me meet people in the community with whom I have things in common, so it's the beginning of new friendships. An added bonus is that someone I knew in Sydney is also now in Melbourne and singing in the choir too, so rekindling an old friendship has been lovely.
Exercise. I can't rant on enough about how important it is to keep moving. Mind you, I'm bang in the middle of a fortnight that's made it impossible for me to get to my Tai Chi classes - rehearsal schedule clashes, the infusion, AND just feeling SO crap with a flare...something had to give and that was it. But starting Tai Chi this year has been fabulous. Getting out - again - meeting new people - there's a pattern here... - and doing something that's physically challenging BUT possible, and that's helping me overall with strength and mobility. And, again, after a class, those lovely endorphins...!!
Ultimately, while I don't have a plan, per se, for managing depression, there are things I've put in place to help me manage around it, and stop myself from getting sucked too far down into the black hole. I'm not one to splatter myself all over the place, so by and large, people haven't really been aware of the emotional struggle that's been going on. I didn't even really write about how big it was until fairly recently (it's the third of those links to past posts up early in this post), and I've not talked to Dragon Dad about it in any detail, because right now HE'S suffering from depression and extreme stress, so he's not in a position to be able to cope with mine. That will pass. And then I'll talk with him. But for now, part of me looking after myself is ensuring I don't push HIM over the edge...
It's different for everyone. But at some time in a chronic illness journey, depression IS going to be part of the picture, and it may be something that recurs at different times. Knowing yourself well enough to know how best to tackle the situation is vital, and if need be, seeking appropriate help is really important. I'm not currently seeing a therapist - and there are a few reasons for that, but I do have someone I can access if I feel as if the things I'm currently doing are inadequate.
Good luck with the blog week. I find writing one post a fortnight a challenge! It was interesting to read that you have identified "red flags" for you. I know that there is a history of depression in my family. I can also see in hindsight how I had fallen into depression as a young adult. One of my relatives thought that I even had depression as a child. While I have lived much of my life without depression, there is always that question: when is fatigue plain old ideopathic fatigue and when is it an early symptom of depression? Am I overdoing things, coming down with something, coming into a new flare or could it be a warning sign of depression? The latter is often in the back of my mind but so far, my enthusiasm for activities is strong (look at this, getting back to blog reading and responding etc.) yet the body feels too tired to be bothered! I do withdraw from social scenarios and become a homebody but how much is because there is so much to do in so little time and I don't need the distraction from my focus on my own goals, or perhaps laziness, or am I just an antisocial hermit or is depression knocking on the door? These questions are my mental health challenges.
ReplyDeleteIt is inspiring to read your thoughts and see that you can live and manage these things. It is impressive that you seem to have a good handle on it. Take care and good luck with the change of season. xx
To be honest, I don't know HOW good a handle I have on any of it, Jodie. I'm getting up in the morning and doing each day as it comes. but I'm not really achieving a great deal at present. I can blame the easy distraction of social media - the photo a day exercise has brought many new and interesting people into my life and I'm capable of spending many hours chatting, either via the comment threads of the live chat on FB. So, the question then becomes whether I'm doing that purely because it's fresh and fun and gives me the social interaction, or whether it's an easy way to retreat from doing more productive things...
DeleteHowever, I will take your positive words and tell myself I'm doing OK, because that's also a good thing, LOL!!!
Take good care of yourself too, please. It's so easy when there are kids in the mix to lose sight of what we need to do for ourselves...and for them to see us taking time out for our own endeavours and self care, because that's also important.
Your thoughts are penned so well I am tracking every step of the way. Your methods of coping are reasonable and real. I appreciate Jodiebodie's comment developing your thoughts. Very helpful. Thanks! XXOO Cathy from Arthritis Wisdom
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Cathy! And thank you for taking time to stop and comment. I'm glad this was helpful for you and all the best moving forward!
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